How Ganaesh Needs To Find His Groove Back.

It’s been almost 6 months since I last wrote here.

Make no mistake, I have been writinglah. Some of them even got published in one form or another. But when I talk about writing here, it’s for this blog. It’s probably the only place where I can write without having a specific goal. I can write without it being be about a product or a service. I can write here exactly the way I want to.

So why don’t I write more often?

When I started blogging way back in 2004 (almost 10 years ago, good Lord!), there was a certain effortlessness that came through in my writing. I could construct paragraph after paragraph of complex sentences without thinking twice. Wordiness was never an issue. I personally didn’t know how it happened, even till today.

I had some people who followed my blog on the strength of my writing, even when my insecure self starting changing blogs; first on Blogspot, then to Blogdrive, then back again to Blogspot before having my own host (which died after existing for about two months).

I eventually ended up here, and I have stayed here ever since.

The me who wrote at age 19 will never come back. The me at age 26 will never write as fluidly or as effortlessly as the me at age 19. This is the irreversible truth, and it’s something that I must accept. It takes more work now, I’ll admit. But I think that’s due more to the rust and the cobwebs in my thought process more than anything else.

Then again, I don’t really want to write like the me at age 19. He covered his inexperience with life under a veneer of long complex sentences. He made a misconception that verbosity equals intelligence. He liked to beat around the bush too much.

The me at age 26 still has oh so many things to learn about writing, though. He needs to get back the spark that he had once before. He needs to get over the fear that people will end up finding his work boring/dull/not good enough. He needs to realize that the experience and life lessons he has gained since then can help enhance his writing, no matter what the topic may be.

So I’ll write. I’ll keep on writing. I hope I can write as consistently as I want to, but who knows. How could I possibly stay away? It has, for better or worse, defined my life over the last 9-something years.

This blog might end up being more random than it ever was before. It’s just me trying to find my groove back. Some might be serious to the point of being dry, others might be pure fluff. But that’s the point; it’ll be me just writing away, about something or another, looking for that spark, that zeal, that passion back.

I’ll get that fucking spark back. It’s long overdue. I think it’s starting to get tired waiting for me.

A Different Kind of Fatigue.

I woke up today, in a darkened room. That’s normal.
I felt sick to my stomach. That’s not normal.

There was a time, not too long ago (probably last week, I reckon) when I enjoyed relished “the art of the troll”. Just one well-placed, well-timed response to an article, situation or discussion had the potential to change the tone of the entire discourse into something totally different.

Thing is, the satisfaction I get from a successful troll becomes too fleeting for me to properly enjoy it. I keep seeing the ugly side of humanity come out so often that I begin to wonder if that fleeting satisfaction is even worth anything.

This morning, I got tired of the whole thing.

That trolling action. Does it inform? Does it correct a mistake? Does it elevate the level or the quality of a discussion? Does it contribute anything positive or enriching? I haven’t seen that yet. What I have seen instead is people getting angry. I have seen people get worked up. Their arguments falter. Whatever good points they might have gets completely sidelined. The replies become more and more irrelevant, in the quest to one-up the troll quotient of the reply before it. They become a sexist, a racist, a bigot. Nothing gets achieved. One side laughs their ass off, another side screams bloody murder, yet side group sighs in defeat.

The discourse completely breaks down. Yes, I am guilty of all of the above.

We lament the moronic actions our politicians take, and bemoan the death of intelligence among Malaysians when it comes to responding to serious issues, and yet we can’t resist the urge to come up with replies and hashtags that just fast-tracks whatever serious discourse we might have about… whatever, into a complete and utter farce. The cycle repeats itself, again and again, a cycle that fuels itself on cynicism and skepticism. Repetition becomes the norm. We become jaded too fast, too soon.

Even radio personalities do this.

It stops me from gaining more knowledge and accomplishing goals that I know I must accomplish. You could say that I’m just over-thinking the entire issue, and I shouldn’t get my panties in a twist. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am just over-analyzing the situation here. Does it make anything I wrote down here any less relevant?

I’m tired of getting a momentary chuckle at the expense of others, is what I’m saying. I want to know more, find out more. I want to enrich this generic life I have into something unique, not muddle it up even more with vapid drama and trolls and inflated egos.

I can honestly tell you. I have absolutely no idea what any of this means. It’s not an epiphany by any stretch of the imagination. Who knows, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and “become normal again”. Right now, I’m exhausted by it. It makes me tired. It saps away my strength. It distracts me.

I’m not growing up. I’m not getting old. I’m just… tired of this.

Two Bored Guys Talk About “Bunohan.”

I had a problem with Bunohan. It was unlike anything I’ve ever seen before from a Malaysian-made film, but I was also extremely conflicted by it. Something about this film felt… off. There was something in the film that didn’t need to be there, and I felt that this element was holding it back from cinematic greatness.

It’s probably because I watched Songlap about a week earlier. That film was unflinching and very matter-of-fact in the way it presented a dark, gritty tale about two kids doing despicable things to stay alive in KL. It was a breath of fresh air.

And then this link appeared on my Twitter feed. It helped to somewhat get my thoughts in order, but I didn’t fully agree with what the article was saying. I poked Umar online and had the following conversation with him.

Without further ado, I present the first installment of “Studio Orang Bosan Talks About…”

The conversation has only been formatted to make it easier to read, and to correct some spelling errors. Other than that, everything is presented as how it was typed, grammatical errors and all.

This is a frank discussion about Bunohan and Songlap, so naturally there be spoilers. Sorry about that. If you haven’t watched these two films yet, whatcha waiting for la?

Me
→ Read the article about Bunohan that Nabil posted?

Umar
→ YEP
→ I realized that Bunohan is TOO DEEP
→ And this makes sense
→ I was like HOLY SHIT
→ In a way
→ It’s cryptic
→ That only certain audiences might get it

Me
→ I didn’t find it that deep, to be honest
→ Most of what the article is saying, I understood them while watching the movie
→ On one hand, ini cerita pasal keluarga dan harta pusaka

Umar
→ Yea, but the surreal element

Me
→ It’s a beautiful, dark, violent tale about men beyond redemption, looking for meaning
→ It’s a story about childhood lost
→ Old values and legacies and traditions losing out against 21st century progress, and ultimately disappearing
→ But the surreal elements were overdone for me

Umar
→ Expression-wise
→ Yea

Me
→ The hallucinatory scenes with the mother, I get it
→ But only those hallucinatory scenes are needed
→ Channeling the father’s spirit through the boy (until now I still don’t get that), that was not necessary for me
→ Slo-mo sequence with the hornbill and the birds didn’t work for me because of the obvious green screen effect :(
→ This could’ve been a very focused, potent and fucked-up tale about family and harta pusaka and claiming what you believe is rightfully yours
→ But all those surreal elements, the cryptic dialogue at the end, I think it was overkill
→ That speech the mother made at the end… aiyo.
→ The atmosphere, the dialect, the fact that each male character in this story is so hardened and gritty that mercy and compassion are considered weaknesses… that is more than enough to carry the story forward strongly
→ That’s what I feel
→ I’m still shocked at how devious and evil Bakar (Pekin Ibrahim) is
→ My god, that character was diabolical!
→ Such a calm display of power and absolute control
→ That’s extremely powerful!
→ Ilham (Faizal Hussein) and Deng (Bront Palarae) are badasses, yes, but at the end of the day they’re only pawns
→ The 21st century thinking that came to Bunohan in the form of Bakar dominated and manipulated them completely, and threw them away after he was done with them without a second thought
→ These elements by themselves can make the story so potent
→ That’s why I said I was frustrated
→ I had second thoughts on whether to write about this movie or not
→ A potentially diabolical story was kinda sorta messed up by unnecessary surreal elements

Umar
→ As in the surreal made it confusing?
→ Or unecessary?

Me
→ You could’ve had this long shot of Ilham just lying there dead, for 20 or 25 seconds, and then the mum comes out of the water, walks towards him, stops beside his body, caresses his forehead and then she keeps walking
→ And I think the audience would understand it easier
→ Hmm, I think it’s unnecessarily confusing
→ Not integrated well into the narrative

Umar
→ Yea

Me
→ Some parts were unneeded

Umar
→ That would be the problem I guess
→ I even said I hope to edit the film in a more understanding manner if I got a hold of the film

Me
→ It wasn’t edited well, that’s one problem
→ Ironic that I’m talking about editing, etc. considering that:
→ a) I’m not a film student
→ b) I haven’t made a single short film, even though we already have scripts waiting to be filmed
→ LOL.

Umar
→ No
→ As an audience
→ As a member of an audience who views the film without any interference of such knowledge
→ As filmmakers, we’re to do films for the understanding of the audience
→ Audience is the jury and the judge
→ You are the true judge
→ The film doesn’t really connected with the main audiences
→ We’d never know unless we know something
→ That’s the problem
→ A general audience reaction is a real matter towards filmmakers
→ Be it artistic, or narrative or experimental
→ If it doesn’t connect, then the filmmaker is within their own world

Me
→ This is why… I prefer Songlap better

Umar
→ I prefer Songlap too
→ It’s a good narrative
→ It’s well done

Me
→ The scope of the story is smaller, but it’s also more linear, and therefore more relatable
→ Most of the audience are city folk, so it’s something we can click with faster

Umar
→ I just think Bunohan is overhyped

Me
→ We can feel the city through the eyes of those two kids because we’ve experienced/witnessed that dirt and grime and grit in some capacity
→ The fact that such a dark tale about illegal human trafficking is presented in such a matter-of-fact way
→ The movie opens with a baby being sold to rich hip urban Malay parents kot!
→ No music, no fancy edits
→ Like, yeap, this shit happens every single day
→ This is how it is in KL
→ Didn’t know about it, did ya? Tu la, ignorant sangat
→ Deal with it.
→ It just made me go “wah liao wei.”

Umar
→ There you go
→ Connection towards the audience
→ The main key

Me
→ I think Bunohan‘s hyped as much as it is because there’s never been anything like this in Malaysian cinema in a long time (Or ever? I don’t know)
→ And rightly so, to a certain extent
→ Americans have no exposure to Malaysian films, so they see Bunohan and they go “Holy Shit!”
→ Same case when they first watched Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon or Slumdog Millionaire
→ They discover something totally beyond their comfort zone, and in Bunohan‘s case it’s visceral and beautiful and dark and violent and poetic
→ Talking about values and morals that’s probably rare among the American public
→ But to Malaysians, the concept of keluarga and harta pusaka is something that everyone understands, irrespective of race or belief

Umar
→ I still baffled with Americans’ reaction
→ I don’t get it
→ In what alien perspective they see in this film
→ The legacy and history
→ The passing of tradition
→ We get it
→ I wonder what the Americans really get it

Me
→ I was also scared that I won’t be able to fully understand Bunohan because I’m not Malay
→ Yeah, exactly
→ So… like that la. *sigh*

Umar
→ I prefer films that we get it the moment we saw it from start till end
→ This one however
→ Requires someone to mention what the hell is going on to understand what is

Me
→ Yeap
→ I mean, I loved the non-linear narrative la
→ But it started becoming messy the first time that scene where the boy was speaking in the voice of the father came up
→ And kept popping up at random times
→ And that scene with the boy and Pok Wah (Nam Ron)?
→ Yeah, that too

Umar
→ I never get that when I see it on screen

Me
→ Hmm…
→ People must watch this movie
→ There really is nothing like it in Malaysian cinema
→ But I feel that if they do watch it, they must push the hype away and judge it on its own terms

Umar
→ Hmm

Me
→ Pok Wah was badass, though
→ He could see 3 or 4 moves ahead of almost everyone
→ But even his wisdom couldn’t predict the many simultaneous moves Bakar was taking
→ That evil, diabolical scum
→ Holy shit what a character

Umar
→ I need a re-watch…
→ But I’ll wait for Astro First instead

Me
→ Bahahahaha!

If you’ve come this far, thank you for reading.

Do keep in mind that this conversation is only a compilation of the thoughts and opinions of two people who watched and loved Bunohan, but felt that there were some parts that were off about it. It is an amazing film, this and Songlap. Do watch both, and make your own decisions. That’s how we grow. That’s what cinema is.

Lots and lots of thanks to Nabil Zamanhuri for posting this link up on his Twitter account, and to Tengku Umar for indulging my rants at an ungodly hour. (Neslo Ais for both of ya, on me! :D) These two guys helped de-clutter my thoughts (somewhat) about Bunohan, which lead to this unique review.