I woke up today, in a darkened room. That’s normal.
I felt sick to my stomach. That’s not normal.
There was a time, not too long ago (probably last week, I reckon) when I
enjoyed relished “the art of the troll”. Just one well-placed, well-timed response to an article, situation or discussion had the potential to change the tone of the entire discourse into something totally different.
Thing is, the satisfaction I get from a successful troll becomes too fleeting for me to properly enjoy it. I keep seeing the ugly side of humanity come out so often that I begin to wonder if that fleeting satisfaction is even worth anything.
This morning, I got tired of the whole thing.
That trolling action. Does it inform? Does it correct a mistake? Does it elevate the level or the quality of a discussion? Does it contribute anything positive or enriching? I haven’t seen that yet. What I have seen instead is people getting angry. I have seen people get worked up. Their arguments falter. Whatever good points they might have gets completely sidelined. The replies become more and more irrelevant, in the quest to one-up the troll quotient of the reply before it. They become a sexist, a racist, a bigot. Nothing gets achieved. One side laughs their ass off, another side screams bloody murder, yet side group sighs in defeat.
The discourse completely breaks down. Yes, I am guilty of all of the above.
We lament the moronic actions our politicians take, and bemoan the death of intelligence among Malaysians when it comes to responding to serious issues, and yet we can’t resist the urge to come up with replies and hashtags that just fast-tracks whatever serious discourse we might have about… whatever, into a complete and utter farce. The cycle repeats itself, again and again, a cycle that fuels itself on cynicism and skepticism. Repetition becomes the norm. We become jaded too fast, too soon.
Even radio personalities do this.
It stops me from gaining more knowledge and accomplishing goals that I know I must accomplish. You could say that I’m just over-thinking the entire issue, and I shouldn’t get my panties in a twist. Maybe you’re right. Maybe I am just over-analyzing the situation here. Does it make anything I wrote down here any less relevant?
I’m tired of getting a momentary chuckle at the expense of others, is what I’m saying. I want to know more, find out more. I want to enrich this generic life I have into something unique, not muddle it up even more with vapid drama and trolls and inflated egos.
I can honestly tell you. I have absolutely no idea what any of this means. It’s not an epiphany by any stretch of the imagination. Who knows, maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and “become normal again”. Right now, I’m exhausted by it. It makes me tired. It saps away my strength. It distracts me.
I’m not growing up. I’m not getting old. I’m just… tired of this.