This is a story I wrote 10 years ago.
Give or take a year.

Light. Rays of light. Slivers of light cutting through the thick claustrophobia of darkness. I lie there. Looking at the light. Thin slivers moving left and right. Are they playing with me? Do they have a mind of their own? My eyes dart left and right, following those slivers of light.

left, right

I can’t blink. The slivers are so beautiful. The innocence. Good defeating evil. Darkness defeating light. They shine with a sort of angelic purity. The glow emanating from them. My eyes begin to water, but I still cannot blink. I begin to taste something. Mmm… the sweet taste of water. I can feel the cold smoothness of the liquid as it enters my mouth. Plays with my tongue. Enters my throat. I can feel myself swallowing it. Feel it slowly going down. I hear a voice. Sweet, melodious.

“How does it feel?” the sweet voice asks me. There’s a sort of seductiveness to it. Sensual. Erotic. I look up at the voice. It belongs to a girl. Golden auburn hair. Some of the rays of light hit her hair. It shines. A golden glow.

The sweet voice does not wait for an answer from me. She knows. She takes the glass, gets up, and leaves the room, closing the door slowly behind her. I can hear her footsteps slowly disappearing as she goes downstairs.

she’s playing with me

The curtain beside me blows. A sudden burst of light enters the room, showering me with its mighty rays. I can feel the warmth on my cheeks. The welcoming heat. The dried tears. The dried trail of saliva. Should be cleaning myself up. Some other time maybe. The glistening crystals of sweat on my face. I see the sky through the still blowing curtain. It is golden. It is already evening. There are thin strains of clouds above. I can see birds flying. I see kites flying. Must be the children playing nearby.

The bed is so soft. But damp. My sweat has made it damp. I lie on it. The dampness of the bed makes me feel cold. Cold to my bones. The mind-numbing coldness. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Why do I feel so cold on a hot day?

what you don’t know can’t hurt you

But I want to know. I want to know why I feel so cold. Damn. I want to know so many things, but I can’t. Why can’t I find out? I’m a human being. That’s what I should be doing. Finding out things. All kinds of things.

they came so far

Millions and millions of kilometers away. They came. The slivers that light my darkest hours. They journeyed so far. For me. To dance for me. To make me happy. To give me joy. And they have. they have given me joy and happiness. They have danced their way into my heart. Left and right, left and right. Look at them go. So beautiful. They are the essence of purity. The very core.

My eyes blink. Finally, they blink. The spell of the lights are broken. My eyesight is blurry. It’s because of those damn tears. Can’t see the light. Quick, wipe them away. But I can’t move my hand. It feels so heavy. I can see them, but they’re not clear. Big, ugly, blurry lines. I can’t do anything. Just let those tears flow down my face. The blurry lines become sharper, clearer. Ah, finally. I can see them again. They continue to dance for me. I am happy.

they’re so beautiful

Ugly lines become beautiful slivers. Interchanging places. Some moving up, others moving down. One replacing the other. From time to time, the curtain blows. Showers of light stream in. I feel the warmth. I open my mouth and slide out my tongue. I can taste it. Taste the warmth. Sweet. Succulent. My body shiver. Cold and hot, together. Electrifying.

What am I? Why am I like this? Somebody just kill me now. I want to see the world. I want to taste everything. I want to shout. To jump. To run. Laugh. Love. Cry. Live. But I can’t. I just can’t. Useless. Pointless. Waste.

left and right

I look at them. The tears have dried up, leaving sticky spots on my face. They dance for me. Left and right, left and right. They’re playing with me. I know they are. My body is frozen, but my mind isn’t. It’s still as sharp as ever. I know they’re playing with me. Those slivers.



One thought on “Light.”

  1. Hi Ganaesh, you don’t know me, but I’d like to ask you a favour, hoping you’d indulge me in good faith. If it’s not too much to ask, can you remove a comment I made on one of your blog post many years ago? I go by the handle Oleester. The comment was harsh and ungraceful. Drop me an email if you mind at all. Thanks in advance. Oh, please don’t publish this. I don’t know how to contact you.

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